boysordeath's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- first things first me accepting that my feelings were hurt and expressing that, led to a bridge that was built between us and we were going to spend some time. but then he set himself up to fail in a very small way (saying he would email me, but then not). so i called it quits. and i did it with this ultra-nice-person-follow-up letter. i can't help that this is how i feel about the whole thing. i just am a happy person these days, it's nuts! my friend i sort of romance casually helped strengthen my resolve to not feel a need to spend any more time with this person, even if i just wanted to have fun. she said that the dynamic that is hard for me in real life would be reflected in the bedroom, anyway. which is so true. it already was, where i think it was more satisfying for him. friend, i am so grateful you are in my life, don't get me wrong in my shifting gears or think that i'm angry with you. it feels sorta funny because the email thing is so mundane, it's nothing a less loaded sort of relationship couldn't handle as if the wind just blew slightly past my cheek. it's simply a glow that reflected back to me the sort of anxieties you've been having about how it might not be a good idea. and it's a chance for me to put my individual needs in front of my sex drive. and sort of show myself that even if i feel a cosmic pull, i can still follow the guidelines i have for how i want to relate in intimacy. i am grateful for you for showing me that. and because you do have a real sweetness underneath it all.. and i do see it as possibly i'm just not for you and/or horrible timing. both are just life, and i might as well embrace the beauty in this chaos while stepping back. i'm sorry if i was overly enticing and didn't allow you the room maybe you wanted to put your needs in front of your sex drive, as well.. it was hard to say what you wanted or needed, that kept changing, and i think my pride may have clouded some of my vision. you are awesome, take care. and, yeah, i still love you (in that no big deal way), me 10:39 p.m. - 2014-01-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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