boysordeath's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

kari

i am adding my first entry.
i have only dated two boys. almost some others. countless crushes. i have had my heart broken so many times. everyday, in fact.
it is common for me to feel defeated in love. to spend time thinking about someone and hoping they will be interested in me and spending time with them and maybe making them a little present and when they don't reciprocate, i wallow in this place where i am not (adjective) enough to be loved by him or anyone. i back down. i am not confident.
but recently, i have really felt like i am wonderful! confident! i have had this odd crush and honestly feel like one day he will like me back, because he ought to, because why wouldn't he? i have nothing to lose because i have already lost everything!
i recently wrote this in an email to jeff and he wrote back warning me that it may not work out. i know that he meant well but i really was upset reading that. of course things don't work out! nothing has ever worked out! i am the underdog of love! why did he feel he had to remind me that, of all people?
everything is alright, though, because jeff is understanding of me.
today marks the first day of feeling a little less confident. but i am hanging in there.

9:11 p.m. - 2005-07-19

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next