boysordeath's Diaryland Diary

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woke up one day thinking about him, how i did not want to be thinking about him, and how i should not and will not talk to him though now he is back in the country and it would be easier to have a real conversation if i felt it necessary. because i'd think of him, then.
but it was ok, it was good, i was right about karma. he says these things about the new girlfriend at times that feel like a slap in the face, but then that day, when i meant to block him but he was there when i went to do so, he said the right thing because he still seemed so unpredictable. and i don't care, he can be happy and stable, and i'll be ok. all i am saying is that i feel so glad that i'm not his girl. and that i have what i want. and that even if the thought of him can make my insides crumble (what is that crumbling, anyway?), i don't need to do anything about it. nice talent, man. nice performances. nice you, too, sometimes. and i bet we could make nice friends--what a strange concept after so many years of lover-hood. i'm ok with losing you but i'm starting to wonder if it acceptable, if it is correct for me (holding myself only accountable to me, with most respect), to be friendly. i have been for quite some time because i'd feel sad to be mean or unfriendly, but friendly?
maybe not appropriate at this time to be too friendly if i will proceed to have this sort of dialog after.

6:40 p.m. - 2008-01-23

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