boysordeath's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- abuse in retrospect.. Dear friend who wrote the last entry, You have been strong for so long. Now you are shifting toward adding more wisdom to your strength. It happens that people get into abusive relationships. I have toyed with the edge of abusive relationships myself and understand their allure and the cycles that feel like a trap. I am sure people will advocate for you and love you and put judgements aside. Enough people will do that. And you were not all wrong. People are complicated. Many of us have had close friends who abuse their romantic partners or some experience with abusers, enough to know how hard it can be to leave them when you love them, or even just because it is scary to be alone. I have tried to be a support person for an abuser who was "working on his shit" only because he had always had been an incredibly good friend to me, but then he assaulted me so it turned out it was not worth it. People are complicated. Life is sticky. It is not bad that we sometimes try to hang in there and fight demons with love, it is just that often times it is not an easy or fair fight. I've had a partner that tended toward abuse (mainly just when things were tough, like during a break up) get a little better over time (the second time we broke up was much better than the first even though he got abusive).. but there is always that tendency in him to fight really dirty, and it will probably always come up. I am trying to be his friend now because we were involved for so long and grew so much together, me in different ways, but he starts getting disrespectful and then I get sick that I ignored initial warning signs or justified behavior like that in the past. I was told I had problems for thinking he was abusive, that no one in the world would agree with me. And it really appeared that way.. he was everyone's favorite helper and emotional support. But the fact is that he has extremely rigid defenses when it comes to intimacy, and until or unless he no longer sees me that way, I am not completely safe from disrespect from a person I love so much. He will probably always see me that way... Oooooh, annoying realizations... Anonymous friend who wrote last, if this seems a little nuts and not helpful, I'm sorry. I hope you have all the support you need, and if you don't, remember to ask for it. People will surprise you with their willingness to be there for you when you need them and you can also really build honest, reliable friendships this way. Ask someone who you think may have the room for it. Ask someone you are not sure they have room for it, but be aware it is their responsibility to say no if they don't have room, and there is no harm in asking. One of my sweet friends once told me she was honored that I was asking for her help. Anyway, thanks for sharing. That opened up some real channels for processing that I needed to do. 7:50 p.m. - 2014-01-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||