boysordeath's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- playa time HM so these days I go to Coda and try and tame a player that I love. It seems. I KINDA played him, too, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm the one seeking real connection and intimacy and he is the one that is evasive. Wow it feels weird to write in here more honestly after I just spent a good while sending him an email about what is in my heart even though I just ended things w him for the millionth time. Also, I've stopped playing him. I've reached a point where it doesn't feel good to be with anyone else. Sucks. Can't mess with these games anymore. But I guess there's always that 1/199 chance that he will hear me and feel a little more ready to love me, and this time actually do something worthwhile about it. I am also ready to guide him into doing that rather than taking big risks with my heart. For instance, I plan on hanging out but not having sex. Until it is clear to me that he likes me for meeeee and can show up emotionally if I'm feeling a little needy one day. Maybe it's more like a 1/27 chance. Not bad, not bad. That's probably better odds than finding someone else I like in the next 30 single peeps I meet. So yay! 10:42 p.m. - 2015-03-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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