boysordeath's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Maybe I'm foolish but I'm happier this way. For now. It has still just been one night with Ab and then we talk about getting together again, and school's crazy busy, his divorce process throws him for a loop, or other chaos. Today he came to school with a new shave and haircut and wearing jeans for once and I caught him looking at me and texted him, "I can't even look at you, you look so good. Stop it!" and he sent me back a nice return of a compliment.. and I just felt turned on like I'm about to go crazy all day... and we're supposed to hang in 2 days.. it feels far away. I need a sign on my wall that says, "YOU WILL BE HURT SOON" so that I can embrace that every day while I also enjoy the sexual tension and whatever the hell is going on... I told him I just wanted to hang once more because I felt things got weird and that's exactly what I didn't want to happen; he said he was thinking the same thing. But today, I forgot about how hard it can be, and how I've been feeling codependent and so being overly helpful in this way that feels like I can't control.. which makes me feel stupid. I forgot about all that and just enjoyed him so much (it was our day we have labs together) and he was loving me back. Grr tomorrow we are going bootie dancing to 90s R&B in the same group of FINE women and I don't know how that's going to go or if he realizes I'm going too... We shall see! It's fun having a little secret at school and so I guess I don't truly want it to end. Or that's how I feel today. I WILL GET HURT SOON. 11:44 p.m. - 2014-01-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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