boysordeath's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thinking: My whole life there has been an aspect to my life that I can never quite figure out, that I fear, and also that I take comfort it. It's this perpetuating cycle I tend to have to self-destruct. Sometimes it catches up to me and I run right up to the edge of it just for old times sake and look it in the face...there is something comparable to a warm hug in this element of my life, although it is a spiked and bloody element as well. Sometimes a part of me wants to start throwing temper tantrums and shouting the f -word...while doing irrational things that make no sense. I have not seen this side of myself in a long time and seeing a part of it on the inside makes me sick. I want it to go away. Sometimes I really wonder if I am seriously "crazy". It spawns from an intense feeling that I will not be made vulnerable, and when I am...I become very very angry...especially when I feel like I can't change or control my circumstances. Part of the self-destruction is running away. Sometimes it takes only days, sometimes weeks or months. There has only been one situation where I did not run away...wait, I am a liar, I did run away...in fact I ran away without telling him until it was finally and there was no changing. Sometimes I want to tell him he's a son of a bitch. 8:35 p.m. - 2006-11-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||