boysordeath's Diaryland Diary

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family

dear god, i curse the closeness that was given and then taken away at the first sign of individual responsibility. romance was never a dream, i was never simple.
these feelings sweep over me, feelings, not thoughts. pictures in my head of a face that i called family for a time, family i needed and i felt needed
do we crave what we need? did i need a whack in the head and a big stumbling block? someone to hold my affection and stick in my spirit? someone to show me that i am a small, powerless body? that my wishes and my ceremonies will either not be felt, or will be pushed away with great force
even if we wanted the same thing. health, stability, love for each other
it makes no logical sense, is it the chemicals in me, is it because we had sex? i've had sex, this was different.
it was our deep affection sailing over head, no less. this happened in portland.
we've slept on both ends of the country, shivering, side by side and mingled, he's been my blanket.
i've put a great deal forth since the time i dreamed i might get rid of everything and join you--it happened anyway because everything broke and then you were gone. but in my dreams you are here, holding me like four years ago when you still had to try.

8:33 p.m. - 2007-09-27

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