boysordeath's Diaryland Diary

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is this creepy?

A funny thing happened today while I was meditating. The ways that I love you returned to me without the pain. My heart warmed open, not hopeful for intimacy, but to find an appreciation for you and for our brief encounter again. Your warm voice, your softness toward everyone. Until that moment, I worried about forgiving you because I wasn�t sure you understood how hurtful all of what happened would feel to me. I guess at some point, it was important for me to make it very clear, but I went quickly from being on the inside to standing on the outside, where taking up space would mean coming between or meddling. The hurt was larger than the avenues I took to express it. But it came to me, a simple love, and it feels better to me than the way I�ve shut you out in anger. Even if I'm not sure if you were ever real. It's just that I liked you. I really liked you. I would like you back on my list of folks that I love and I don�t know if you belong there, but I suppose that beyond necessary boundaries, there's another layer where I have no choice but to love.

9:14 p.m. - 2014-03-03

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