boysordeath's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I value me, though. Hm so I just came here to write something so that I don't text S. I always have an urge to, at night. I want to look at that urge and where it comes from. It seems to really believe that I just fucked it up more than 50%. I am trying to work all the CODA steps before 8 before I apologize about anything further. Because apologizing is really just a way for me to say, "I'm still up for you if you can somehow value me." And I'm not really up for him because there's no way I should trust that he values me. Just now I wanted to text, "There is just some primal connection between us that has a hold of me in a big way. I am sorry I tried to control and change you, you are just great as you are or I wouldn't feel that way. But maybe someday I will be in a place where I'm not always saying too much and you will be ready to show up a little more and there will be the magic that we deserved." UGH accepting that you fucked up a little when you cared so much is pretty brutal. 9:58 p.m. - 2015-05-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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